The Chelsea Squib

October 28th, 2021 to November 4th, 2021


Resident Goalie Gets Yet Another Ball On Roof

Playground — Oct. 28 Joshua Denis, 13, who plays as a goalie on the Chelsea soccer team, kicked the ball that was being used at the foursquare court so hard that it landed onto the roof. The situation began with the ball being used in the game rolling away towards the basketball court. Denis ran from his position in the court to fetch it, and when he ended up catching it many foursquare players urged him to kick the ball — although many other players at the time spoke out against this decision and told him not to kick it. Denis responded by punting the ball at such a strength that it flew into the air and landed on the roof. When Denis was asked about his motive for kicking the ball with such strength (by a herd of foursquare players huddling around him, no less), he stated, among other things, "[Kolby] told me to kick it!" (Kolby Caswell, a fellow foursquare player that was present at the event, had told him to kick it, but didn't instruct him to kick it that hard) and "It's not my fault, I'm a goalie!" This situation was especially irritating to those on the playground because the ball that ended up on the roof — a basketball — was being used solely because the previous ball was also kicked on the roof. It is currently unknown when either ball will be retrieved.

This situation is also especially concerning to the 8th grade, as this recess occurred during a time when the 8th graders would normally be stuck in Mr. Gammon's room having a meeting. Mr. Gammon has stated on multiple occassions that the reason he decided to host these meetings at a time when the 8th graders would be on the playground is due to the fact that the 8th graders have been notoriously rowdy when outside, and this is the very first time in the school year so far that Mr. Gammon permitted the 8th graders to go outside during a meeting. The fact that a ball was already kicked onto the roof in the short amount of time the 8th graders were allowed a recess (10 minutes, which is half the time that recess normally lasts) is just proving Mr. Gammon's point. It is most people's sincere hope that Mr. Gammon does not prohibit recess to happen at meeting times due to this one incident, although he might do so anyway.


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Gross Food Discoveries Rock the Algebra Group

Mrs. Hall's — Oct. 29 This morning in Mrs. Hall's class, the algebra group was rocked by a few unsettling food facts. The discussion was triggered by Evan Heron revealing the fact that gelatin is "basically just boiled bones" — that's partly true, as gelatin is technically a protein obtained by boiling skin, tendons, ligaments, and bones of animals, most commonly cows and pigs. The following facts that insued were equally was odd. The first two questions, both proposed by Eddie Schmidt, were "Is cheese just the solid form of milk?" and "How is yogurt made from milk?" The answer to those are "No" and "By warming the milk and adding bacteria cultures." I might think twice the next time I eat some yogurt.

Other not-so-yummy food-related things brought up during this talk was a brand called Lester's Fixins, which is a brand focused solely on producing sodas with some of the most unfitting flavors you've ever seen. Sweet corn flavored soda, ranch dressing flavored soda, buffalo wing soda... yuck! The last thing that was brought up in this discussion was Brach's Turkey Dinner Candy Corn. It's exactly what you think it is — and personally, I don't think it would taste that good at all.


Animal Erasers Craze Mrs. Hall's Class

Mrs. Hall's — Nov. 4 This morning in Mrs. Hall's class, Mrs. Hall herself opened up a package of pencils with animal erasers affixed to them. The revelation of the erasers' existence threw the class into a craze, with everybody scavenging for an eraser that they'd like. Mrs. Hall originally just passed them out at random to students, and then offered them the ability to trade with each other as well as swap out their eraser for any eraser that was left behind. There was one eraser — the panda eraser — that was given to literally nobody at all, due to the fact that everybody wanted it so badly. The current whereabouts of the panda eraser are unknown.